If you are pregnant and considering an adoption plan, how do you start the important decision of choosing an adoptive parent(s) for your child? You may have many fears and uncertainties during this process. Am I making the right decision? Who can I trust? How can I find the person or couple I am dreaming of to raise my child? Do not let your worries or fears get in the way of your decision making process. You are very brave to consider an adoption plan for your unborn child. Now take a deep breath, take my hand, and keep reading below.
Step 1: Know Your Options
By now, I am sure you have confirmed your pregnancy (have a positive pregnancy test) and know approximately how many weeks you have been pregnant. You should know your legal options: parenting your child, abortion, or placing child for adoption. Abortion may not be something you would ever consider for your unborn child. Abortion may not be a legal option based on the amount of time you are already pregnant and your state’s laws. An Ob-Gyn should give you an honest and unbiased answer regarding your options and information regarding your particular pregnancy. Certain crisis pregnancy centers may be biased and/or affiliated with certain adoption agencies and/or attorneys. If you are unable to directly see an Ob-Gyn, then try to seek help at an unbiased crisis pregnancy center that will help you make the right decision for you, rather than the decision that they like or want.
Step 2: You can take the wheel and be in the driver’s seat of your adoption plan.
If you are considering an adoption plan, who can you trust to help you make sure this is the right decision for you? Also who can you trust to help you choose adoptive parent(s)? Adoption is not like the old days where you decided to place your child, and only the agency could choose the couple for you. Often these were great adoptive couples, but the birth mother or birth parents were left out of the decision making process. Well, times have changed and you can be as involved as you desire. In fact, you are in the driver’s seat of the process, but only if you allow yourself to be.
Step 3: Who can you trust to help you make the best decision for you and your baby?
This is the tough part. Social media has changed the adoption process over the last few years. If you search for information on the web or other social media sites to try to learn about placing your child for adoption, you will be directed to adoption advertising agencies. Adoption professionals (agencies, attorneys, adoption facilitators, and adoption consultants) are using advertisements that seem to want to help you. What is their real motivation? Take their website info and promises with a grain of salt. Some are well meaning individuals who believe in adoption and want to help you and your expectant baby. Some may have financial incentives and not have your best interests in mind.
So, who is a girl to trust? An Ob-Gyn is a professional who is bound by ethics to help the patient who is you. If you have a trusted friend or relative they will care about your short and long term well being. Clergy members hopefully would be trusted individuals to counsel you and help you make a careful decision. One organization that is committed to helping the expectant mother choose the best decision for herself and her child is :Project Cuddle. They will support your wishes to parent or place baby for adoption and assist you with whatever is best for you. They are available to talk with you and can help you anywhere in the country. Please check out their link below:
Step 4: Where to find adoptive parents
A family friend may know of a good family. A Clergy member may know of a good family. You can look through profiles from adoption attorney or adoption agency. If you are not crazy about these, ask for more to look at. You can find home studied parents on your own: potential adoptive parents are placing ads on their own on social media. If they list that they are home study approved, then they have been scrutinized already. They are just types not to sit on a list and let an agency or attorney choose for them and charge them an additional hefty advertising fee or dictate when and who they will show their profile to. If you click with them, you can pursue further using legal methods allowed by state, and same support allowed by law will be given to you before and after pregnancy.
Don’t forget to consider adoptive parents who are advertising using their own website or an ad on Craigslist. Responsible home studied potential adoptive parents are using these methods to find you because it is free and other sites charge them to list their profiles. Adoptive parents have paid for a social worker to perform an adoption home study, paid fee to adoption professional (attorney, agency, facilitator, or consultant) and they want to find expectant mother and potential child to adopt. Adoptive parents are advertising themselves on social media because they do not want to sit on a list forever, or wait and be given a situation they are not fully comfortable with as their only option. Social media is a way to connect person to person initially instead of deals being made behind closed doors to which the potential adoption couple and expectant mother are not privy to the motivation(financial and otherwise) behind the closed doors.
Step 5: How to choose adoptive parents?
Imagine what you want for your child. What dreams do you have for your unborn child? A childless couple with wife saying she stays at home may not be what you think is most important. Some couples with one child may have always wanted another but infertility did not allow this to happen. Consider that family also if you like their values. Experienced parents will not be learning from scratch how to parent. A mother who works (full time or part time) is also worthy of your consideration. Many great mothers work and are wonderful parents. Just because someone says they will stay at home in their profile does not mean they will. A working mother is potentially a good role model and perhaps how they plan to care for the child is most important (cutting back hours, taking time off initially).
Perhaps religious background is important to you, or perhaps you want a spiritual but not overly religious family. Perhaps cultures, specific nationalities, or traditions are important to you. Maybe you want parents who value educational and other opportunities for your child. Maybe you just like something about their personality that comes across in their profile. Perhaps their level of openness in adoption is very important to you. Or maybe you are just drawn to them for some intangible reason. Don’t be afraid to trust your gut instincts.
Step 6: Set up post adoption support
Despite your bravery in placing your child for adoption, you will need support in place after delivery. You will need to recover physically whether you have a vaginal or C-section delivery. Besides the physical pain and discomfort after delivery, there will be feelings of sadness, loss, and you may second guess your decision. You likely will be depressed and tearful at some point. You will need support in place to help you deal with the emotions that you will experience at the time of placement and afterwards.
Even the bravest person in the world would need ongoing emotional support. Will the adoptive parents, adoption agency, and/or adoption attorney support you emotionally after placement and if so, then how? See if a trusted friend, relative, or clergy member can be available to support you and strengthen you at the time of placement and afterwards. Also consider joining a birth mother support group in your area or online to discuss your feelings with someone who understands the situation first hand.
Step 7: Have faith and follow your heart to guide your decision
Remember that you are brave to make an adoption plan for your child. Once you decide on adoption, then have faith that you have made the best decision for your child in placing them for adoption. Remember to follow your heart in this decision. Have faith that your heart will guide you to the adoptive parents that you are looking for to love and parent your baby. When you find them, have comfort that your decision was made with your heart and with great love for your baby.
